If you haven’t read about the passing of Joybubbles you really should.

According to the Electoral Compass, it tends to reason I don’t like any of the candidates since none of them align with my political beliefs.

With the primary season upon us and the eve of the Iowa caucus I thought I would take some time to review the major candidates. If you want useful information about the candidates, you’ll need to go elsewhere.

Democrats

• Biden(D) — How many times can you run for President before you become Harold Stassen.
• Clinton(D) — Haven’t we had a Clinton in office recently? I may be a slow learner, but I have learned after voting for the second Bush.
• Dodd(D) — Who?
• Edwards(D) – Man if I had hair like his I would run for office.
• Obama(D) — His rhetoric is totally inspiring, but I don’t trust people whose career is founded on politics or political activism.
• Richardson(D) — Don’t know much about him, but I think it is impressive to have your resume indicate how many hostage negotiations you have won. Let’s make him secretary of hostage negotiations.

Republicans

• Giuliani(R) — Whatever you have to do to be successful at running New York City will probably catch up to you when you are in the big race. His focus on 9/11 seems creepy to me.
• Huckabee(R) — A governor from Arkansas??? Seriously, we’re not doing that again are we?
• McCain(R) — My personal favorite. He is willing to take a tough position even if torture is a plank in the party platform. Kind of old, hope he picks a youthful running mate.
• Paul(R) — Google says he is the one to beat.
• Romney(R) — I have never have liked Governors from Massachusetts.
• Thompson(R) — His most redeeming attribute is that he isn’t one of the other candidates.

Honestly, I wish I could vote for None of the Above.

1. If you use a wet/dry vac to pick up something dry and then something wet, then you wait a year, the result is indistinguishable from compost.
2. If your cheap florescent light fixture is crapping out because the ballast is screwed up, it is cheaper and quicker to buy a new fixture instead of trying to find a new ballast of the right size and install it in the light.

Blow Up Christmas, originally uploaded by timbu.

This neighbor has the most unbelievable holiday displays. It’s truly mind boggling to see 50+ blow up creatures on someone’s lawn.

In the morning, when they are all deflated & flaccid it looks like some sort of Matthew Brady photograph taken after the a pneumatic civil war.