With the primary season upon us and the eve of the Iowa caucus I thought I would take some time to review the major candidates. If you want useful information about the candidates, you’ll need to go elsewhere.

Democrats

• Biden(D) — How many times can you run for President before you become Harold Stassen.
• Clinton(D) — Haven’t we had a Clinton in office recently? I may be a slow learner, but I have learned after voting for the second Bush.
• Dodd(D) — Who?
• Edwards(D) – Man if I had hair like his I would run for office.
• Obama(D) — His rhetoric is totally inspiring, but I don’t trust people whose career is founded on politics or political activism.
• Richardson(D) — Don’t know much about him, but I think it is impressive to have your resume indicate how many hostage negotiations you have won. Let’s make him secretary of hostage negotiations.

Republicans

• Giuliani(R) — Whatever you have to do to be successful at running New York City will probably catch up to you when you are in the big race. His focus on 9/11 seems creepy to me.
• Huckabee(R) — A governor from Arkansas??? Seriously, we’re not doing that again are we?
• McCain(R) — My personal favorite. He is willing to take a tough position even if torture is a plank in the party platform. Kind of old, hope he picks a youthful running mate.
• Paul(R) — Google says he is the one to beat.
• Romney(R) — I have never have liked Governors from Massachusetts.
• Thompson(R) — His most redeeming attribute is that he isn’t one of the other candidates.

Honestly, I wish I could vote for None of the Above.

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